We've all made promises like, "I'll never drink again" or "If I even smell a beer, I'll lose it." Maybe, "This is my last cigarette," "I'm going on a diet on January first," or "I'm actually going to take the clothes off the exercise bicycle and use it." We've all told ourselves we're going to do something, but we end up making excuses not to. This is how I see a conversation between an elderly wife and her husband on New Year's Eve.
So, how many more cigarettes are in the pack, honey? There are four hours left in 2025, and if you smoke two an hour, that means you'll smoke eight total and finally be done with them, right? Yeah, but what do I do with the other twelve? Maybe I should hide them somewhere in case I go through a bad withdrawal. How about you give me the pack minus the eight, and I'll get rid of them for you. He held the pack almost griving the absence of packing the tobacco down by slapping the pack into an open hand, placing the cigarette in his mouth and striking a match on his boot quickly enough for the flame to reach the tip of the cigarette and create an orange glow while you suck in that first draw watching as smoke rises in the air and fills your lungs with a feeling of fullfilment as the nicoteen travels through you brain into your lungs and exits as a smoke ring you cant help trying to blow more. Are you scared to quit she asked him. If I'm honest, he replied, I've been dreading this day just like I dreaded the last ten New Year's Eves.
And what about you? he asked her, are you going to limit the glasses of wine you drink every day? Or will you have every excuse why you need it to calm your nerves after a hard day at work, or our money situation isnt good right now, that's a good one. Did you know that every week, when the trash truck stops, the sound of bottles clanking is enough to wake the neighbors? And don't tell me it's not just wine bottles. I'm not stupid. Last time I looked, orange juice comes in cardboard containers, as does milk, and most of the other things we use. Now there are less than 4 hours, and you have one full bottle and another half bottle. Are you telling me you're going to drink all of it before the ball drops?
Are you telling me you're going to try and finish that pack you're guarding with your life? Are you telling me youre going to somehow finish a bottle and a half by yourself? There was an eerie silence in the room as both of them tried to come up with a solution, but more likely, more excuses why they shouldn't stop. He lit up another smoke while she sipped some wine, both lost in their own dilemma. Then she spoke up, " What if we stashed away a couple packs of smokes for you and a couple bottles of wine for me, and for every day we don't touch them, we will make love. That gave kicking the habit a whole new meaning. For the love of Mike, Sally were seventy nine years old and lucky if we got a roll in the hay twice a year on our birthdays.
Midnight arrived with a new year filled with hope. As for those two, it was a game they played every year to pacify their grown-up children, but all the while knowing the liquor cabinet was equally divided with bottles of wine and cartons of cigarettes hidden from sight in a piece of furniture that never got a second look. The next day, the old couple sat in their favorite chairs as she poured a glass of wine and he struck a match on his boot to light a cigarette. That was some fun last night, wasn't it, old gal? But don't you think we'd be better off without the wine and smokes? What I think, sir, is you should go to the cabinet. I need a bottle, and for the love of Mike, empty that ashtray.
Mike 2026 
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