Monday, November 9, 2020

Too young for such sorrow

 

The old house had been closed for years now. The old man passed away and all his children couldn’t care less about the run-down farmhouse that sat on bank-owned land. The oldest son recently received a letter from the bank stating the property was scheduled for demolition at the end of the month and if the family wanted anything from inside the buildings they had until then to do so. He and his dad were not ever close, well they were when he was just a kid. He decided to make the three-hour drive tomorrow just because.

It was crisp and sunny when he headed out for what was called the North country. where Fertile land and generations of farmers claimed to have the best fruits and vegetables anywhere else in the state. He grew up here eating as many apples as he wanted or roaming through rows and rows of corn snapping off a stalk and enjoying its sweetness that people drove for miles to purchase. His dad sold most of his crops to local restaurants and grocery stores while some were destined for the roadside stand, he built years ago. Every end of summer he would put on a fresh coat of paint and lay down a colored mat where he would display his produce. On a good weekend, he would make enough money to cover expenses and put some away for those frequent rainy days.

As he got closer to the homestead his childhood memories filled his head and the drive became less enjoyable. He arrived to find quite a few vehicles parked in the field next to the old barn that once was filled to the rafters with equipment and other needed farming tools. A couple of neighboring farmers were looking over a combine that had seen better days, he remembered his dad working on that thing late into the night cussing every nut and bolt as he fixed something else all too often. He saw people roaming around the house where the bank's employees kept them out until he had a chance to have a look around.

Walking inside the house he was slammed back to his youth before mom died and his dad became the town drunk. For a few good years, they were a family with a respectfully run farm who went to church on Sundays and had dinner together every night. Being the oldest he was expected to help

and help he did. He couldn’t count the times he missed school because his dad was passed out in the barn, an empty bottle next to him. He never did know why his old man took to the bottle, some said because he never left the war behind him, others said he was just like his own father who drank himself to an early death. He tried to keep the farm going but when mom passed, his dad got really bad and just gave up. Being the oldest he tried keeping everyone together but after a year or so the state stepped in and put the younger kids in the system. He packed a bag and never looked back. He was sixteen years old.

He roamed around the old house for awhile looking at pictures from happier times but not wanting any of them as old memories can sting. He stopped at the door going into the kitchen where mom in happier days spent a lot of her time cooking, baking bread and cookie, and always there to listen to us. The smells swirling through his head, he took in a deep breath then walked out of the house. Nothing he wanted he told the bank rep who stepped up to the portable podium and yelled over a bull horn the auction was about to begin. He stood next to his car and watched as items large and small went to the highest bidders, some hiding their eyes from him as if they had stolen something from his past. Little did they know, he could care less. By the end of the day, anything worth anything was sold and the bank guy shut it down.

Heading back home and to his life, he couldn’t help but remember his first sixteen years. Running through cornfields, playing hide and seek with his sisters, getting to drive the tractor all the way to the end of the dirt rod and back, sitting up straight telling himself this farm would be his someday. He could smell the clean clothes hanging on the line softly blowing dry on a summer day. He remembered going fishing with his dad on the pond next to his land. He clearly remembered county fairs and cookouts, how neighbors came from miles around when the barn caught fire helping dad rebuild it just because that’s what neighbors did. He remembered cutting the perfect Christmas tree and singing carols while they decorated it with their own hand made ornaments. He smiled as he remembered easter egg hunts that lasted for hours because there was a lot of hiding places on the farm. Birthday parties and fourth of July, baseball games, and wheelbarrow races. He can still smell the paint as he helped paint the roadside stand and how big he felt helping folks fill their baskets. Then he remembered the darkness and loss, the past due bills, and being cut off by suppliers. He remembered the girls needing shoes but there was no money for that. So, one night he broke into the dress shop in town and stole two pairs he hoped would fit. He never got caught but later he learned the store owner knew it was him but never said a word.

Things only got worse as time passed. The VA came when he was about fifteen and had a long talk with dad saying they would help him if he’d let them but by then he was too far into the bottle and that was that. Wasn’t long after and the girls were takin away leaving him to do what? Run the farm on his own? That’s when he packed a bag and as he was leaving, he looked into the barn and saw him hanging from a beam. He didn’t leave a note he just ended it and he walked away leaving him to swing. Sixteen years of happiness his only reminder of youth. Thanksgiving is coming soon, and he will have a gathering of friends at the table. He invites his sisters every year, but they never have come. Guess he is a part of their past that does not bring many good memories.  He nodded his head and understood.

Mike

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